The Art of Pretending Read online

  “Oh,” was all she managed to say when she turned to find Nira standing off to the side. Nira was in jeans and a loose white t-shirt, with her hair up in a messy bun. She looked tired and beautiful, and she wasn’t due back for another two-and-a-half days.

  Nira smiled but the space between her eyebrows was furrowed. It was clear she was confused by Ashley’s muted response. “Hi.”

  Ashley licked her lips. “Hey.” She looked around but didn’t see Chelsea or anyone else. “Um, what’s up?”

  Nira’s small smile became a frown. Her eyes searched Ashley’s. “I feel like I should be asking you that. I came back early, but you don’t seem happy.”

  “I am happy,” Ashley said quietly. The lie didn’t land, even with herself. She attempted a smile. “I don’t know. You didn’t call yesterday or today, and today has been kind of awful.” The calm she’d found earlier began to slip. “And so, okay, maybe I was on Facebook today and I saw a picture of you with another woman and I didn’t know what to think.”

  “Another…?” Nira’s frown deepened, then her expression cleared. She rolled her eyes. “My mom did try to set me up. She was unaware that neither I nor Eliza are actually single.” Her frown returned. “Wait, please tell me you didn’t actually think that I would—and after Regan did that?”

  Ashley hugged herself and couldn’t look directly at Nira. “I don’t know, Nira. I’ve been trying really hard to stay positive about us. You didn’t seem happy about the girlfriend thing, and I know everything would just be easier for you if you went back home. I-it’s not like I thought you would maliciously choose to do something, just maybe you, you know. God, I don’t know! I don’t know! For someone that wanted me to open up, I never know what’s going on in your head, either!”

  She covered her mouth. Her eyes were stinging again. She didn’t want to cry more, dammit.

  “What’s going on in my head is that I love you, Ashley.”

  Ashley sucked in a breath and slowly tilted her chin up. She was doubly surprised to find Nira staring directly at her. “What?”

  Nira’s frown softened as she shifted closer and hesitantly reached for Ashley’s hands. “I love you. I’m sorry, I know I messed up when we spoke about defining our relationship. I haven’t been talking about how I’ve been feeling because I’ve been all over the place. You make me so, so happy that it terrifies me. Because,” she swallowed and looked down at their joined hands, “we haven’t been seeing each other long, but I already know I couldn’t stand it if you ended things. You make me better, Ashley. You make everything better.”

  Ashley was feeling a million things at once. Her brain was malfunctioning, and her vision was blurry. She wanted to say the words she’d been holding onto for weeks, months, but they remained stuck in her throat. With a deep, shuddering breath, she cupped the back of Nira’s head and pressed their lips together.

  Tears slipped free as they kissed, but Ashley didn’t mind. She pulled back to catch her breath, their noses brushing as she steadied herself. “I love you, too. I have for some time. Please, let me love you for a while longer.”

  Nira chuckled, but her eyes were shining as she brought a thumb up to wipe Ashley’s cheek. “What if I never want you to stop?”

  Ashley’s smile was watery, but genuine. She stared at Nira unflinchingly. “Then I won’t.”

  Epilogue

  “You know,” Ashley paused so she could squint down at the instruction manual. “You can only fit so many of these in this apartment before you run out of room anyway.”

  Nira waved her Allen wrench in the air. “I told you I didn’t need help with this if you’re going to complain.” The bookcase was slowly coming together with their (mostly) cooperative efforts.

  Ashley snorted. “It wasn’t a complaint. Also, it took you like a month to put the last one together. You should be thanking me for helping you get this started.”

  They’d been working on the piece of furniture for about half an hour, and several wavy wisps of Ashley’s hair had come free of its band. Nira smiled. Ashley had a tendency of sticking the tip of her tongue out from the corner of her mouth when she was trying to concentrate. It was adorable.

  “Thanks.” Nira set the two pieces of wood she’d been putting together to the side and crossed her legs. “You’re right about one thing. I’m running out of room for my books. It might be time to change things up.”

  Ashley grunted and continued twisting a screw into place. “What’d you have in mind?”

  Nira soaked up the perfect domesticity of the moment. They’d enjoyed nearly six months of it together, and even with a few rough patches of communication along the way, Nira had enjoyed it immensely. They’d been doing well overcoming their respective insecurities, and that morning as she and Ashley had walked through Ikea hand-in-hand, she realized that picturing their future had become second nature.

  “A bigger place. Maybe with an actual office to fit all my books in.” She braced a hand against her thigh. “Maybe something big enough for two.”

  “Two offices?” Ashley picked up another would-be shelf and began fitting it in place. “You might just need to open a library.”

  Nira snorted and rolled her eyes. “No, not two offices. Two people. Us two people.”

  Ashley dropped the piece of wood, which clattered against the shelf backing. She stared at Nira with wide eyes. “Us? Like, living together?”

  “Yes,” Nira quietly confirmed. Ashley held her gaze and scooted closer, automatically finding Nira’s hand with her own.

  Her golden-brown eyes searched Nira’s. “I’d love that.” Her eyes drooped as she leaned in and smiled. “Kind of a lot.”

  Nira accepted the kiss with a hum and held Ashley close when it finally ended. Her time with Ashley was usually peaceful and warm, but sometimes the kisses still made her dizzy.

  “You’re not stuffing our kitchen with books when you run out of room,” Ashley warned after another kiss.

  Nira initiated another, sliding her hands up under the back of Ashley’s shirt in teasing motions. She nibbled Ashley’s lower lip, then tilted her head back. “We can revisit that discussion in five years, give or take.”

  Ashley sucked in a sharp breath, and then they were kissing and Nira was flat on her back, hooking her legs around Ashley’s hips.

  Though Nira couldn’t be completely certain about their future, she knew enough.

  The next five hours, the next five years, and beyond… Ashley would be with her, gorgeous smile and all.

  “I look forward to it,” Ashley murmured as she kissed Nira again.