Knowing Her Read online

  “Well, this is definitely a different energy than the night of Pride,” Teresa said with a smile and a shake of her head. The singer was attractive, and she apparently knew it.

  “A very different energy.” Lian shifted in her chair, her thigh momentarily pressing harder against Teresa’s.

  Teresa tried very hard not to notice, peering at the stage with greater purpose. The singer said something else. Teresa heard the words but failed to process their meaning.

  Lian leaned forward, arms lightly crossed as she rested them on the table. “It feels almost electric.”

  And still Teresa tried hard, mirroring Lian and bracing her arms against the table as she strained her eyes staring at the stage.

  The house lights dimmed.

  The opening chords of a song began.

  She could feel the warmth of Lian’s body to her left, even though they were no longer touching.

  The lead singer began to hum, a throaty vocalization that made the crowd begin to sway to the music. Teresa wasn’t exempt from the pull. When she and Lian both began to move, their arms brushed rhythmically.

  Teresa closed her eyes and allowed herself the contact. She was just feeling lonely. She attempted to shut off her mind and absorb the energy around her, the singularity of her and everyone else being lost in the same song at the same moment.

  Then the singer’s humming became words—almost an incantation—and everyone in the crowded bar became completely enthralled.

  As all of Teresa’s conscious thoughts became engrossed with the experience of it all, she felt relieved. The music would fill the empty places for a while. That would be enough.

  Her relief only lasted until the next song began. It was bass-heavy and sensual, and the lyrics were nothing more than a thinly veiled description of a casual sexual encounter with another woman. Teresa failed at every turn not to think of Lian. It wasn’t until the song ended that she became cognizant of the fact that they were leaning heavily into one another, their sides completely touching. Her body felt like it was on fire, and her heartbeat was erratic. She wanted to touch Lian more, intimately, with both her hands and mouth.

  She scooted her chair further to the right.

  The urge only faintly abated. It was going to be a long night. Oh, god, she was going to ruin everything again, wasn’t she?

  ***

  After the show ended, they decided they were too wired to head back to their room and chose to have a late dinner. Lian picked a restaurant with decent ratings within walking distance of their hotel. Teresa fidgeted for most of the ride, sometimes shifting her legs restlessly or adjusting her clothes and hair.

  Lian didn’t comment despite her curiosity. Admittedly, she was also scared of what Teresa’s reaction could mean. Maybe Lian shouldn’t have let herself get so close to Teresa during Letters from Sappho’s performance; she’d felt Teresa move away after the second song.

  She remained quiet while Teresa casually chatted with their driver. When they arrived at the restaurant, the chatter morphed into running commentary on their surroundings or things they’d seen earlier.

  As they sat down at a small table for two, Lian gathered her courage and decided it was time to push the subject.

  “Everything alright?” she asked once the waiter walked away with their orders.

  Teresa smiled tightly. “That obvious, huh?”

  Lian shrugged. “Maybe just to people that know you.”

  “Oh, and do you know me? Really, I mean?” Teresa raised both eyebrows.

  Feeling the silent challenge in the words, Lian swallowed. She must have made Teresa very uncomfortable in the bar. The clinking noises of dishes and chatter in the restaurant seemed louder. “I’m not saying I know everything about you,” she said slowly, “but I think I know you fairly well, yes.”

  Teresa crossed her arms and sat back in her chair.

  Lian attempted to steady herself. A loud noise to her left made her feel jittery. “Something about tonight bothered you. I’d rather not guess why. Could you please just tell me?”

  Teresa looked away and Lian felt even worse than before. Had Teresa wanted to come to dinner just so they wouldn’t be alone together? Acid churned in her stomach and she balled her hands up in her lap.

  “What if I don’t want to talk about it?” Teresa asked, gaze still pointed at some far-off table.

  Lian stared down at her hands, trying to filter out all the noises that weren’t Teresa’s voice. “Then we won’t talk about it.”

  Teresa jerked her head around, her brow furrowed. “It frustrates me when you do that.”

  “Do what?” Lian asked as she chanced a look her way.

  “When you, when you’re,” Teresa blew a raspberry and waved sharply, “reasonable. It makes it really hard to push you away.”

  Lian briefly tightened her lips but tried to not to otherwise visibly react. The acid in her stomach was building up, but she kept her voice steady. “Is that what you want? To push me away?”

  “I… no, not really.” Teresa’s eyes dropped to the table as she pressed her fingers tightly to its surface. The tenseness to her body language eased, her shoulders no longer hunched.

  “Your cousin Carla is my tailor,” Lian blurted out in a desperate need to make things better.

  Teresa blinked hard and leaned forward. “What? Carla?”

  Lian felt a surge of relief. Teresa wasn’t completely mad at her. She crossed her ankles and relaxed her hands. “Yeah. She’s really good. The first time I went to her for help with clothes, I just wanted people to take me seriously. I love them now, though. I know it seems weird—"

  “No,” Teresa interrupted with a shake of her head. She bit her lip and examined Lian’s face. “I knew you did things with my family, but I wasn’t sure if you were actually close to any of them.”

  “Kind of,” Lian hedged. She had been, as much as she allowed herself to be. “I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. It just felt like a secret and I didn’t want it to be.”

  “Aren’t secrets your business? What’s one more to keep?” Teresa tucked some hair behind her ear and smiled.

  It was playful. Lian swallowed, feeling mildly dizzy. Maybe she’d jumped to the wrong conclusions about Teresa’s behavior. The churning in her stomach was replaced by a soft fluttering feeling. “Business, yes. You’re not a part of that anymore. I don’t like keeping secrets from people I’m friends with.”

  “Hm.” Teresa rubbed her chin. “Then, tell me. Did you change your look for work, or because of your family?”

  “Yes.” Lian ran her hands over her jeans, wondering if she’d begun something she’d regret. She clenched her jaw and straightened her back, meeting Teresa’s eyes.

  Teresa didn’t look away. “Have you been avoiding my family because of me?”

  Again, Lian’s stomach twisted. “Not,” she searched for the right word, “entirely.” She noticed the hitch in Teresa’s breathing but remained silent, waiting.

  The moment was broken as the waiter arrived with their food. They made polite, awkward exchanges with him as they arranged their plates, avoiding eye contact as they pretended he hadn’t just interrupted a sensitive discussion.

  “Try this,” Teresa said after a minute.

  Lian gripped her thighs when a fork was gently thrust her way. Was it a peace offering? Only a few inches from her face, a fresh scoop of risotto was gently steaming. She hesitantly leaned forward and accepted the bite. It tasted great, she realized as she chewed and swallowed. Her cheeks felt warm. She knew Teresa was watching her. “It’s delicious.”

  “That’s why I wanted you to try it.” Teresa smiled, her soft eyes twinkling and her dimple appearing.

  The warmth in Lian’s cheeks intensified and spread, making her skin tingle and her chest feel tight. They were okay. Lian decided maybe the crush had more downsides than she’d realized.

  Teresa’s attention returned to her plate. “You know,” she scooped up another bite, “I was feeli
ng awkward because I realized I’m attracted to you. Then I realized that doesn’t have to change anything.”

  “Oh,” was all Lian could say. She rapidly processed a series of varied emotions. Teresa hadn’t been mad at her at all, so that was a relief. But Teresa didn’t seem to like being attracted to her, either. She woodenly reached for her fork, not feeling very hungry.

  “Not right now, anyway. I mean, that’s, that’s only if you might want things to change. Sometime in the future.”

  Lian’s lips parted in surprise. She slowly raised her head. Teresa was staring down at her plate, her fork twisting jerkily between her fingers and thumb. “If I might want things to,” she swallowed, “change?”

  Teresa dropped her fork and covered her face with her hand. She shook her head. “Never mind, forget I said anything.”

  “No.” Lian faltered as she tried to find the right words to say, but her head was full of loud, unintelligible screeching noises. “I-I’m attracted to you, too. I, just, I don’t want to mess that up. You’re—”

  “No, you’re right. We’re friends. We absolutely shouldn’t mess that up.” Teresa scooped up her fork again and began roughly pushing the risotto around her plate.

  It was then that Lian realized a few important things. Teresa wasn’t just attracted to her, but also liked her—and Teresa had been acting odd because she didn’t know what to do about it, either. As Lian considered Teresa’s history, she thought she understood Teresa’s uncertainty. Some of Lian’s confidence returned. “Stop that,” she softly commanded.

  Teresa froze.

  Hesitantly, Lian reached out across the table. When her fingertips were a few millimeters shy of touching Teresa’s hand, she paused and held her breath. Teresa didn’t move away. She let the breath go. Teresa’s fork dropped in a small clatter, and then they were holding hands. “Teresa,” she began in a voice just as soft as before. “I haven’t dated in a really long time. I’m not good with people outside of work. I thought I was, I don’t know, and then I started to get to know you and I started feeling all these things and,” she grimaced. “I’m so bad at this. I-if you want to, if you want things to change at some point, I just want you to know I really, really like you but I’m bad with this stuff.”

  To her great confusion, Teresa smiled. Her dark eyes were shining in a way that made Lian worry she’d said exactly the wrong thing, but… Teresa was smiling.

  “Lian,” Teresa said in a thick voice, “you’re not bad at this stuff at all.”

  It felt like Lian’s heart leapt up to her throat. She swallowed. “No?”

  “No,” Teresa repeated. Tender smile still in place, she glanced down at their hands and rubbed the side of Lian’s hand with her thumb. “You might not know exactly the right things to say, but you always try. I appreciate that.” She bit her bottom lip, sucking it into her mouth. “I, however, am actually really bad with relationships. I don’t want to lose you as a friend. If we do, you know, we should take things slowly.”

  Feeling light-headed and giddy, Lian could only nod. “Yeah. That sounds,” she paused to smile, “perfect.”

  Chapter Twelve

  They were outside of their hotel room, the corridor blessedly empty as they strolled down to their suite. Teresa was restless, her hands unable to remain still. The night air had proven to be a little crisper than Teresa had anticipated, prompting Lian to courteously share her jacket. Though it was slightly too small for her to wear it correctly, it hung nicely over her shoulders. She found herself reaching up; the satiny interior felt great against her skin.

  Next to her, Lian seemed relaxed, her hands casually tucked into her pockets as they approached their door. At some point, Lian had rolled her sleeves partially up her forearms. Teresa couldn’t stop staring. Why was that so sexy? And, god, that vest.

  It wasn’t like her to be so controlled by her hormones. Though she enjoyed sex, she’d easily gone months and even years without it. Why couldn’t she stop noticing Lian?

  “Everything okay?” Lian asked as she retrieved a keycard from her pocket. The electronic lock made a muted sound as the indicator light turned green.

  “Yeah,” Teresa said as she attempted not to stare at Lian’s hands, tried not to imagine how they’d feel touching her face, trailing down her neck…

  She couldn’t look Lian in the eye, worried that Lian would immediately see her desire.

  Lian grunted and softly pushed the door open.

  Teresa’s heart sped up when a pale hand reached out and encircled her wrist, gently pulling her into the room.

  From one moment to the next, Teresa wasn’t sure what happened. The door closed, the light was suddenly on, and Lian turned to her with a crooked smile. She couldn’t be sure who moved first, but then Lian’s mouth was hot and heavy against her own.

  If Teresa was capable of thought, she might wonder at Lian’s sudden confidence. Instead, her mind was blank as they stumbled backward. Lian’s nose bumped her chin once, twice until her back was firmly pressed against the nearest flat surface. A wall, she foggily realized as Lian kissed the underside of her jaw. Her hands trembled as she dragged them up over Lian’s torso, her fingertips delighting in the smoothness of Lian’s oh-so-distracting vest. As much as she wanted to feel Lian’s skin, an even bigger part of herself wanted Lian to remain just as she was. After a few orgasms, Lian could take it off, Teresa decided.

  She moaned when the series of open-mouthed kisses against her skin stopped, almost crying when Lian pulled away. Cool hands were on her bare thighs, delicately tracing their way up under the hem of her dress—

  “Teresa?”

  Teresa frowned. She didn’t feel Lian’s hands anymore.

  “Hey, I’d normally let you sleep, but you said you wanted to shower before checkout.”

  Lian’s voice was warm but hesitant.

  The heat and tension in Teresa’s abdomen abruptly shifted, her dream-inspired arousal almost instantaneously becoming embarrassment. She pried her eyes open and tried to pretend like her face wasn’t on fire.

  One of the bedside lamps was on, the low light keeping half of Lian’s profile in shadow. Lian was perched on the edge of Teresa’s bed, her stiff shoulders pulled back and her hands rolled into loose fists that were braced against her thighs. In direct opposition with her body language, her expression was soft. A cautious affection was reflected in her shining eyes and a faint, crooked smile. It made something in Teresa’s chest tighten, so she looked away.

  Teresa felt self-conscious as she pushed herself up into a sitting position. A hazy desire to have Lian close lingered from the dream. Lian was probably already as confused as Teresa felt. She hadn’t meant to tell Lian of her attraction the previous night, let alone hint at anything more.

  Knowing that, it was still hard not to reach out and pull Lian further onto the mattress. She just wanted to feel Lian next to her, feel the push-pull of Lian’s breaths under her hand, hear the soft, steady thump-thump of Lian’s heartbeat under her ear.

  She inhaled sharply and forced a smile onto her face, pushing the unwanted feelings away. “Thanks for waking me up.”

  “Sure,” Lian said with a shrug. She stood and wandered back to her side of the room. She was already dressed in jeans and a dark t-shirt, her hair in a loose, low ponytail.

  Teresa pinched herself on the thigh and got up, hoping that a shower would clear her head. They just had the drive home, and then everything would go back to normal. She needed normal, just for a little while. Her loneliness would get the best of her if she wasn’t careful.

  Mindlessly, she gathered a clean outfit for the day. She was trying not to notice the quiet way Lian moved, the gentle sounds produced as she shifted her belongings into her bags. Teresa couldn’t say Lian was graceful; it was more that each of her motions had a purpose. She didn’t usually fidget the same way Teresa did.

  Recognizing that she was doing just that with her duffel bag, Teresa hurriedly zipped it shut. If Lian noticed Teresa’s odd
behavior, she didn’t show it. Teresa wasn’t sure which would be worse: that Lian noticed but didn’t reveal it, or that Teresa was the only one hyper-aware in their close quarters. Understanding there would be no winners down that rabbit hole, she dragged herself in the direction of the bathroom

  “Whatever deities are out there,” she muttered once she was safely alone, “I’d really like a little less roller coaster for the next few weeks, please.”

  As she stripped and carefully stepped into the shower, she remembered most of the drama in her life was of her own making. Was it really her fault when Lian had looked too cute for words all night?

  She groaned, and then yelped when she accidentally flipped the shower—still cold since it hadn’t had time to warm—on full blast.