The Art of Pretending Read online

  “I have usual choices?” Nira glanced away, a slight smile curving her lips. “I guess I do. I believe a sandwich is suitable for lunch, don’t you think?”

  Ashley nodded again. “Yeah, right. So, the tuna melt or the chicken salad?” It wasn’t weird that she still remembered, was it?

  Nira’s smile widened. “Surprise me. I love both.”

  I know. Ashley bit back the response. She didn’t want to seem creepy; she just had a great memory. Tuna melt, no pickles. “You can sit here, if you want. It’s clean. I’ll be back in five. Sweet tea?”

  “Perfect,” Nira said, smile still in place.

  Eager to get away, Ashley bobbed her head and mentally screamed at herself. Don’t make this weird. There was a reason she didn’t try making new friends. She was rusty, to say the least. Her few close friends lived hours away, and all the rest were from work. She took a breath to steady herself.

  Mary grinned when she mentioned taking her break, pulling an apron on and settling in front of one of the stoves to make Ashley’s lunch herself.

  Ashley ignored the warm feeling threatening to burst from her chest. Mary was like the mother she wished she’d always had. She cleared her throat and pretended like she wasn’t grinning. “Thanks, Mary. I’ll come get it in a few.”

  Mary snorted and waved a spatula. “Nonsense. I’ll bring it out. I’ve been wanting to check on that sweet girl. Damn fool of a wife, if you ask me.”

  Unsurprised that Mary knew what had happened with Nira, Ashley could only murmur her agreement. “Take it easy on her, huh? She’s sensitive about it.”

  “Of course. Now get on out there.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Ashley waved, then wandered out to the bar to collect their drinks. She chose water for herself again. Feeling self-conscious, she concentrated on balancing the glasses as she returned to Nira’s table. “Sorry for the wait,” she said as she set their drinks down and took a seat.

  “Not at all.” Nira was staring down at the table. She looked half-ready to jump out of her chair.

  Ashley sighed and subconsciously began bouncing her leg under the table. “So, how was your weekend?” She could do small talk. She was great at small talk.

  Nira tilted her head up, a wry smile on her face. “I fully intended to come Saturday, just so you know. I forgot I had agreed to do something with friends, and I didn’t have your number to let you know. I felt weird about calling the restaurant. I’m sorry. I should have.”

  She looked so painfully sincere that Ashley couldn’t mind. “It’s okay. I promise.” Tempted to immediately offer up her cell phone number, Ashley stopped herself. They weren’t there yet, and she didn’t want to make Nira uncomfortable. “I hope you had a good time, at least.’

  “Not really.” Nira’s face fell, but she tried to valiantly keep smiling. “It was nice at first. It was just a couple of us, and things were almost normal. We were at a brunch place we all like, but then Regan apparently also decided to stop by with her new girlfriend. She was surprised to see me and really did try to apologize.” Nira’s eyes watered. “I’m afraid I made a bit of a scene. God, those looks of pity.”

  Ashley clenched her teeth and reached out across the table so her fingertips were lightly resting on the back of Nira’s wrist. “That really sucks.”

  “It was a train wreck. There she was already moved on, and then there I was, a crying blob of pathetic.”

  “Hey.” Ashley squeezed her wrist. “Go easy on yourself.”

  Nira shook her head. “I just want to be over this. I don’t want to be the sad, lonely one that hasn’t moved on. And our friends saw it all. They won’t invite me to anything anymore, knowing I’ll ruin everything if they so much as mention Regan’s name.”

  “Hey now, if they’re really your friends they’ll do no such thing.” Ashley did wonder what kind of friends they were, but at least they appeared to be making some effort. “This might sound weird, but I’d like to help.”

  Nira stared at her a moment. Her eyes were still watery, but she seemed… amused? “How?”

  Ashley held her gaze. “Let’s be friends. Hang out. And, maybe, the next time you’re scared about a big gathering with your other friends, I could come along, too.”

  Nira gave her an earnest look. “Friends? If I’m being honest, I was kind of hoping for that. But as for the other part: if Regan saw you she’d be convinced we were—” Nira cut herself off, looking thoughtful. She smothered a laugh, then shook her head again. “No, no. I couldn’t possibly put you in a situation like that.”

  Her curiosity piqued, Ashley took a sip of water. She waited, but Nira didn’t say anything else. “Come on. You can’t leave me hanging. Tell me.”

  Nira bit her lip and her cheeks flushed. “Well, um. Regan was always a little jealous of how we got along. It was sort of weird because she was never the jealous type.”

  Ashley knew by the warmth in her cheeks that she was blushing, too. “Oh.” She sucked her lower lip. “So, if I were to suddenly start hanging out with you, she might get the wrong idea?”

  “Not only her. I’m certain she complained to our friends once or twice.” Nira chuckled, but then suddenly went quiet. “Actually, I’m sure she doesn’t care anymore.”

  “Hm.” Ashley narrowed her eyes as she considered Nira’s forlorn expression. “I don’t know. You guys were together for so long, I kind of think it’d be a gut reaction.”

  “Oh, who cares.” Nira forced a chuckle and glanced away as she hugged herself. “It doesn’t matter.”

  About to say more, Ashley quieted when Mary arrived at their table with two plates. Mary was beaming at them as she set their orders down. “For two of my favorite girls,” she said with a subtle wink Ashley’s way.

  “Thanks so much, Mary,” Nira returned affectionately. “How have you been?”

  Ashley fiddled with her utensils as she waited for them to finish exchanging pleasantries, content to let them converse as her mind raced. Mary left them soon after, then she and Nira began eating. By an unspoken agreement, they only exchanged small talk while they ate. Nira spoke a bit about her students. Ashley found herself smiling as she pictured the third-grade class, peering intently at Nira, ready to learn.

  Nira leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs, a content smile on her face. “This was so good.”

  “Mary’s as great in the kitchen as she is with people,” Ashley agreed.

  “Well, yes, but that’s not what I meant.” Nira’s expression became bashful. “Thank you for having lunch with me, even though I messed things up Saturday.”

  Ashley shrugged and lolled her head to the side. “It’s good for me, too. You can never have too many friends.”

  Nira clasped her hands in her lap and silently studied Ashley. “If you say so. I’ll take it, even if you’re just being nice.”

  “Not even a little,” Ashley retorted. She bit her lower lip and gathered her courage. “And I think we should do it anyway.”

  “Do what?” Nira asked with a frown.

  “Jump right in on this friendship. Hang out with your other friends, if that’s what you want. Let them think whatever. I’m happy to be a buffer, and I would be even happier to have an extra excuse to hang out with you.” Ashley gave a slight smile. “If we give them something else to talk about, that’s just a bonus.”

  Nira hummed but didn’t verbally respond. She looked off to the side, her top leg gently swaying as she twisted her ankle in slow circles. “I don’t know. They might be weird about that, too. I just want to feel… normal.”

  Ashley shrugged. “What’s weird about making a new friend?

  Nira hid a smile behind her hand. “I think we’ve established there’s a high probability they’ll think we’re more than friends.”

  “I could do worse,” Ashley admitted with a grin. Their eyes met, and she tried to ignore the tautness in her chest.

  “Worse than having everyone think you’re dating an emotional disaster?” Nira’s mir
th was too much to be contained, her eyes twinkling as they remained on Ashley.

  “Anyone else should be so lucky.” Knowing she was dangerously close to genuine flirting, Ashley eased her smile. “I won’t pressure you, though. It’s up to you.”

  “I’d like a new friend, regardless. I’m just not sure I want to scare you off by dropping you in the middle of my messy life.” Nira continued to study her, a hesitant smile on her face.

  And with the giddy feeling that immediately rose from Ashley’s stomach and spread throughout her body, she knew she was in trouble. “You don’t have to worry about that. I’m good under pressure. In any case,” she said when she remembered they were in the middle of a conversation. “We should exchange numbers.”

  Two

  The following Friday night, after a week of pleasant texts and one short, sweet phone call, Nira and Ashley met up away from Melby’s for the first time. A few of her closer friends had invited Nira over for dinner, and the panic she’d felt had prompted Ashley to offer to be a buffer again. Subsequently, Nira had decided there was little to lose by bringing her along. Having the attention on Ashley might keep Nira from embarrassing herself.

  And, to a lesser degree, would everyone stop pitying her if she didn’t come alone? Leisha had seemed intrigued at the prospect of Nira bringing someone along.

  A tiny part of her also wondered if Regan would grow jealous when she eventually learned about Nira’s new friend. She really didn’t like that part of herself.

  “We don’t have to do this.” Ashley was standing next to her, their sides lightly touching as they stared up at her friends’ two-story house. Nira was glad she’d thought to dress warmly in jeans and a floppy turtleneck. Her coat was less effective when she wore dresses and, with the sun setting, it had gotten colder.

  Ashley had elected to wear skinny jeans, a dark zippered sweater over a long-sleeved red plaid button-up, and dark hiking boots. Like usual, her hair was pulled back, a few stray wisps of wavy hair already loose around her face. She never wore any makeup, but always looked pretty. Regan had hated that, as well as Ashley’s naturally healthy tan skin.

  Nira bit her lip and tried not to smile. That wasn’t something she had to worry about anymore. “Would it be weird if I asked you to hold my hand for a second? Not in there. Just here. I just need a little…”

  Then, like they’d been friends for all the years they’d known one another, Ashley smiled and took her hand. The tension that had coiled in Nira’s belly loosened. They began ambling up the sidewalk toward the house.

  Maybe things would be alright. God, why hadn’t she ever just become friends with Ashley? As they’d had more chances to talk, she couldn’t help but feel like she’d been missing out on something. Ashley seemed so forthright and open. Nira could have used a friend like her months ago.

  But, she mentally conceded, she hadn’t out of respect of Regan’s rare jealousy. Compromise was essential to any relationship.

  Not that that had stopped Regan from befriending someone she knew Nira wouldn’t like—or fucking said woman.

  Ashley squeezed her hand, and Nira tried to shake the negative feelings away. She was supposed to try and enjoy herself that night, not dwell on things that couldn’t be changed. She needed to move on, and reestablishing regular contact with her friends was part of the process. “Sorry,” she said, though Ashley couldn’t know what she’d been thinking.

  “No worries,” Ashley returned with an easy smile that made Nira notice the beauty mark again. They stopped a few steps away from the front door. “That’s what I’m here for.”

  Nira chuckled. “Better than an emotional support animal.”

  “And less furry.” Ashley slightly ducked her head and looked Nira in the eye. “Though, depending on the person, that could be a negative or a positive.”

  “I guess that depends on what they want from their support person. Or animal.” They shared a grin, and Nira forgot her troubles for a brief moment. The front door suddenly opened, prompting Nira to guiltily yank her hand free of Ashley’s.

  Leisha was in a loose russet skirt that reached her knees and a bright print top with the two highest buttons undone. Her dark curly hair was pulled back, a wide fabric headband that matched the skirt keeping her appearance neat. Her eyebrows were raised, and Nira was certain she’d noticed the handholding.

  Nira tried not to blush. She didn’t want to give Leisha the wrong idea, but by pulling away that’s what she’d done. She didn’t look at Ashley, who was surely amused by the whole thing. “Hey, Leisha. Thanks for letting me bring a friend at the last minute.”

  Leisha grinned and sent a sly glance Ashley’s way. “Pft, as if. Amy will be thrilled. You know she loves exposing new people to her cooking.”

  “Great. Oh, um. Leisha, this is Ashley. Ashley, this is Leisha.” If it were possible, Leisha arched her eyebrows higher. Nira’s heart pounded as Ashley initiated a handshake. Leisha gamely accepted the gesture but looked ready to rush to the other room to break the news about the ‘friend’ that had come with Nira.

  “Ashley, huh? Come on in,” Leisha said as she stepped back and pulled the door completely open. “Terri got caught up at work, but she’ll be here soon. You can hang your coats here.”

  Knowing the explanation was for Ashley’s benefit, Nira hung her coat on the half-empty rack before stepping aside. Ashley followed suit, and Nira attempted to smile as she led the way. Leisha had wandered ahead.

  A light hand on Nira’s elbow made her pause.

  “I’m pretty sure she remembered my name. You think she thinks we’re shacking up?” Ashley teased in a whisper.

  Cheeks on fire, Nira twisted to lightly slap Ashley’s arm with the back of her hand. “Behave, Ashley. And if they ask about that, please just be honest.”

  When Ashley didn’t respond, Nira looked back at her.

  Ashley gave her a lopsided smile, her gaze intent. “Of course. Always.”

  Nira stared and wondered if Ashley meant it. Distracted, she forced her attention elsewhere—only to find Leisha and Amy waiting at the end of the hall, suspiciously trying not to look directly at Nira.

  She covered her mouth. “Oh my god, they’re snooping.” Trying to act like nothing had happened, she dropped her hand.

  Ashley whistled under her breath, then Nira felt warm fingertips brush hers. “You okay? I’m your emotional support person, remember?”

  “You’re terrible, is what you are,” Nira said but she didn’t pull her hand away.

  “Am I, though?” Ashley waited a moment longer before tangling their fingers together. “I think you kind of like it.”

  “I do not,” Nira mumbled without meaning it at all. If she was preoccupied with what Leisha and Amy thought of Ashley, she wasn’t dwelling on… other things. Ashley’s hand was warm and soft. She spared another look at Leisha and Amy, then subtly nodded her head. “Okay, so. In a weird way, you’re being a really good friend.”

  “I know, right?” Ashley moved forward so they were standing side by side. She looked at Nira without moving her head. “I’m knocking this out of the park.”

  Nira fought a smile. “Don’t get too full of yourself. You’re still in the probationary friend period.”

  “Let’s get back to that later. I think this is getting awkward.” Ashley pushed her chin forward to indicate Leisha and Amy.

  “Getting?” Nira gently tapped her thumb against the side of Ashley’s hand and let it go. Leisha and Amy seemed to have forgotten they were trying to be inconspicuous, instead blatantly staring at Nira and Ashley while they had a rapid conversation. “Let’s get in there before they decide we’re getting married.”

  Ashley hummed. “Eh, might be too late. I’m fine with it as long as you agree to take out the trash.”

  “You’re the worst.” Nira shook her head but didn’t comment further. Instead, she proceeded down the hallway, an amused Ashley keeping in step.

  ***

  The house was nice, if
decorated rather eclectically. As Leisha led Ashley on a small tour of the first floor, she was amazed at how well the modern, antique, and artsy furniture and decor blended. Nira had been thoughtful enough to tell her a bit about Leisha, Amy, and Terri—a throuple who’d been together nearly as long as Nira and Regan had been.

  Ashley thought it was cool as hell that the three of them were happy together. She couldn’t even find one other person to stay happy with for more than a few months. Her awe was tempered by Leisha’s scrutiny, which persisted even as they sat down to dinner.

  “So, Ashley. You wouldn’t happen to work at Melby’s, would you?”

  To her right, Nira stiffened. Ashley, fork-deep in some of the best apple pie she’d ever tasted, tried not to laugh. She’d been waiting for the question the entire evening. She took a bite of said pie and put her fork down, subtly dropping her hand to nudge the side of Nira’s knee.